Updated Monday, November 12, 2012 at 01:10 PM
No doubt you've seen the posters, with the photo of Edward (Robert Pattinson), Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) running toward the camera as if they're participating in some sort of very intense vampire/werewolf track meet. Yes, "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2" is upon us, opening in theaters late Thursday and bringing, in theory, an end to the eternal saga of a girl and two monsters. In honor of the final chapter, a few of us took it upon ourselves to re-watch the first four movies, in order to present a few interesting "Twilight" statistics...
13: Total number of times (in four movies) that Jacob appears shirtless -- at least three times in the rain. As people in Forks do.
0:Number of times Jacob is shirtless in the first movie, "Twilight"
All the time: Number of times Taylor Lautner somehow gives the impression, during long pauses, that Jacob is thinking about taking his shirt off for lack of a better response to the situation
11: Number of times Bella does something klutzy
7: Number of times Bella does something klutzy in the first movie, "Twilight"
?: Inverse proportion of Jacob's shirtlessness vs. Bella's klutziness as the movies progress: what, am I a mathematician?
18: Number of times Edward is supposedly looking lustfully at Bella, but actually looks kind of nauseated
14: Number of times Edward and Jacob meet and sneer at each other, or are otherwise disdainful, as if smelling something bad (which, according to the books, they are)
3: Number of times Bella bleeds, accidentally incurring the sudden dramatic bloodlust of her vampire friends
1: Number of times this happens while giving birth to an alarmingly toothy sort-of-vampire baby
None, though they should have: Number of characters who burst out laughing at first mention of the name "Renesmee"
Uncountable: Number of times you wonder, watching these movies, why vampires all have such fabulous hair
And finally, a roundup of a few immortal 'Twilight' lines:
"Am I the wrong kind of monster for you?" (Jacob to Bella, "New Moon")
Moira Macdonald: 206-464-2725 or email@example.com.
Seattle Times staffers Paige Collins
and Lynn Jacobson contributed to this report.
KIMBERLEY FRENCH / 2009 SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT